Things an open umbrella can do for you indoors:
1. Get you kicked out of a bar.
2. Attract attention.
3. Block people’s views.
4. Be used as an attack mechanism for those who try to kick you out of the establishment it is open in.
5. Intimidate people.
6. Prove you are not superstitious and cause other people to envy you.
7. Protect you from rain when you go on previously covered but now uncovered patios (changed to accommodate the smokers).
8. Protect you from sweat if you are near a crowd on flailing dancing hippies.
9. Gives you a somewhat mysterious, yet insane superiority.
10. Allow you to be openly inclusive and exclusive to particular people depending on whom you let under the umbrella.
Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all…
