stop the ignorance

defending retarded

A pet peeve of mine is how people love to express their opinion about how 'gay' something is, knowing full well that what they are saying is a lingustic contradiction (gay means happy or homosexual, but is ususally associated 'on the streets' with negative connotations), or if they really mean it in the negative, homophobic way, than calling something 'gay' is truely offensive. Here are some synonyms for the word gay: 1. gleeful, jovial, glad, joyous, happy, cheerful, sprightly, blithe, airy, light-hearted; vivacious, frolicsome, sportive, hilarious. Gay, jolly, joyful, merry describe a happy or light-hearted mood. Gay suggests a lightness of heart or liveliness of mood that is openly manifested: when hearts were young and gay. Jolly indicates a good-humored, natural, expansive gaiety of mood or disposition: a jolly crowd at a party. Joyful suggests gladness, happiness, rejoicing: joyful over the good news. Merry is often interchangeable with gay: a merry disposition; a merry party; it suggests, even more than the latter, convivial animated enjoyment. 2. brilliant.

However, when decribing something as retarded you are usually (granted the word is definitely overused) using the word properly. See below.

re·tard 1 (rĭ-tärd') Pronunciation Key

v. re·tard·ed, re·tard·ing, re·tards

v. tr. To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede.

v. intr. To be delayed.

n. A slowing down or hindering of progress; a delay.
Music: A slackening of tempo.

When being 'socially correct' just make sure you understand why.

Three new backgrounds, five characters, the event of a lifetime... if you are really stoned

Master Shake on the big screen. March! Who's with me?

http://www.adultswim.com/shows/athf/movie/index.html

bringin' da shiznit 2 da biznatch

TOP NEW SAYINGS TO USE IN THE WORKPLACE

"what up g-dawg" - this is a good one, because it makes the people you work with feel like they are really your friends. The 'g' emphasizes that persons badness and gangster-like qualities. Adding this 'g' shows respect and enhances the authenticity of the gesture.
*Note* When speaking to someone who is significantly older and wiser than yourself, it is polite to refer to this person as 'g-daddy' rather than 'g-dawg'. Especially if that person is your boss and especially if your boss is a women.

'that's just WHACK!" - the ambiguity in this phrase makes it perfect for the work atmosphere. It can be used when given a project you do not enjoy; when some workplace unfairness take place; in the presence of an oddity; or also used to describe computer system malfunctions or as an excuse to why something isn't working "it's just whack" (This example is perfect when dealing with unhappy customers for it emphasises your sameness and relieves you personally of any blame).

"let's bounce" - I find this one works well because everyone looks forward to the END of something while at work (end of the day, end of the meeting, time to leave for lunch etc.) and this phrase confirms that the end has come and it is time to depart / separate (sometimes people need someone to tell them when its okay to leave, and who better to do it than yourself?). It also leaves room for people to imagine what exciting things you will be bouncing to next. It's also a good way to round up friends for lunch time outings without giving particulars or having to engage in small talk with, those sitting around your friends. Its short, positive and to the point! Very professional.

"R U TRIPPING?" - this is a great phrase because most co-workers really are trippin' and this is an indirect saying that points them to the truth. If they are in fact trippin, maybe they don't realize because no one has brought it to their attention. This is also a good response when given tasks that seem insane, even though you will inevitably do them, at least you are letting your boss know how ridiculous they are.

Always refer to your paycheck as 'bling' and hint that you need more 'bling' from your 'g-daddy'

Make a point to emphasize how 'ghetto' your office carpet is, or your desk, chair, building, computer, bathroom, etc. And try to do it often in the presence of a maintenance worker (to hope for some sort of improvement or rivalry in the near future --ive always dreamt of a real life workplace rivalry). This of course works well if the building is actually located in the ghetto and is decrepict with rank floors, but is also very satirical when used in a well kept, new, stylish building.

Most importantly, ALWAYS refer to your significant other as your 'baby daddy'. This one is killer.

**NOTE** When sending one word emails to let your boss know you concur or understand use words such as radical, tubular, gnarly, or any other levels in the super mario star world work wonders (my boss loves it)

le temp

Everyone loves to talk about weather but no one dares to think about it (or WHY it is changing). It seems to be the most non-controversial topic we can discuss with co-workers and strangers because it is something we assume we have no control over and it affects us all. When really trends and changes in weather patterns are things we should pay attention to for the good of our future. Examine your own life and start to count how many times you comment on the weather per day (or how often someone mentions it to you). Keep track of how many of these comments are complaints and why you are complaining (do you really care how many minutes a day are you outside really?). Try to bring this up to people without being a jerk. Also, if anyone gets the chance to discuss the weather with a construction worker i would love to hear their opinion, so share. So let's begin to embrace the natural world by giving it the attention and seriousness it deserves. LET'S TURN WEATHER INTO CONTROVERSY!

the existential french

On dort les uns contre les autres
On vit les uns avec les autres
On se caresse, on se cajole
On se comprend, on se console
Mais au bout du compte
On se rend compte
Qu'on est toujours tout seul au monde

On danse les uns contre les autres
On court les uns après les autres
On se déteste, on se déchire
On se détruit, on se désire
Mais au bout du compte
On se rend compte
Qu'on est toujours tout seul au monde

On dort les uns contre les autres
On vit les uns avec les autres
On se caresse, on se cajole
On se comprend, on se console
Mais au bout du compte
On se rend compte
Qu'on est toujours tout seul au monde

Mais au bout du compte
On se rend compte
Qu'on est toujours tout seul au monde
Toujours tout seul au monde

anthropomorphisation

dancing's the best way to unwind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPE-T19O_78

freeway limbo

smog tinted glasses

This morning I put on some citrus smelling oil (it helps me focus) and walked to work. While waiting at lights and inhaling toxic fumes, I realised, the emissions from the car beside me was overriding my delicious citrus mix (finally understanding why all the ladies at my work carry their perfume with them - to cover the toxic film on their skin and clothes). And now, for the rest of the day, exhaust will be my perfume (and I thought the smell of sweat was embarassing).

Driving a car is the most polluting act the average citizen commits. Yet, governments are ignoring their responsibility to cut back on greenhouse gas emissions. Since people seem to refuse to buy smaller cars and drive less (the only real solution, other than buying electric cars), for the sake of the environment, maybe if we understand the real effects exhaust has on our bodies, our self-centred attitudes will become a little more conscious.

A short list of the likely pathogens in car exhaust:
Carbon Monoxide
Nitrogen dioxide
Sulphur dioxide
Suspended particles including PM-10, particles less than 10 microns in size.
Benzene
Formaldehyde
Polycyclic hydrocarbons

"Air pollution is the source of many materials that may enter the human bloodstream through the nose, mouth, skin, and the digestive tract. Chemicals known to be harmful, such as benzene, lead and other heavy metals, carbon monoxide, volatile nitrites, pesticides, and herbicides. These substances have been shown to produce harmful effects on the blood, bone marrow, spleen, and lymph nodes. Blood cells are constantly undergoing turnover, with new blood cells entering the circulation as mature cells are lost, making the blood system especially vulnerable to environmental poisoning. For example, lead interferes with normal red blood cell formation by inhibiting important enzymes. In addition, lead damages red blood cell membranes and interferes with cell metabolism in a way that shortens the survival of each individual cell. Each of these harmful effects can result in clinical anemia.
Benzene and other less known hydrocarbons are produced in petroleum refining, and are widely used as solvents and as materials in the production of various industrial products and pesticides. Benzene also is found in gasoline and in cigarette smoke. It has been shown that exposure to benzene is related to the development of leukemia and lymphoma. Benzene has a suppressive effect on bone marrow and it impairs blood cell maturation and amplification. Benzene exposure may result in a diminished number of blood cells (cytopenia) or total bone marrow loss. A number of metabolites appear to be involved in this process, and there may be several targets of toxicity, including stem, progenitor, and some stromal cells.
Common air pollutants also have an affect on blood and thus on organs of the body. For example, carbon monoxide, arising from incomplete combustion of carbonaceous materials, binds to the hemoglobin over two hundred times more avidly than oxygen and distorts the release to the tissues of any remaining oxygen. Thus, CO poisoning is akin to suffocation. In addition, it has been observed that carbon monoxide can exacerbate cardiovascular disease in humans.
The toxic chemicals in environmental air pollution stimulate the immune system to activate leukocytes and macrophages that can produce tissue damage, especially to the cells that line human blood vessels. Although the damage is initially slight and may not produce significant limitation to blood flow, repetitive exposure to toxic substances interferes with the ability of these lining cells to release a substance called endothelial-derived relaxing factor (EDRF). EDRF relaxes the smooth muscle in blood vessel walls, and blocking the release of EDRF leads to systemic hypertension. At the same time, leukocytes on the endothelium's surface appear to play a part in promoting the arteriosclerotic disease process. The combined effect of these events is to accelerate the changes that eventually lead to hypertension and ischemic heart disease. "

my year in concerts (so far)

i think i have pin-pointed the reason i have always been so short on cash since ive moved to the city.

here is a list of concerts ive been to in the past while, most of which occured since my relocation to downtown Toronto in February.

jurassic five (just last night!!!)
blackalicious x 2
hylozolists
amy millan
broken social scene x 2
iron and wine
stars
flaming lips
digable planets
de la soul
rjd2
people under the stairs
eccodek
final fantasy
danny michel
the audreys
feist
jason collett
cuff the duke
holy fuck
roxanne potvin
wintersleep
the hidden cameras
doublestanndart
xavier rudd
lifsavas
stereolab
dilated peoples
belle and sebastian
lyrics born
hot chip
death cab for cutie
wilco
my morning jacket
matisyahu
violet femmes
theivery corporation
the go team
heiroglyphics
of montreal
ohmega watts
manu chao
fig for a kiss
the strokes
most serene republic
the pixies (im pretty sure that was longer than a year ago but it just came to mind)
plus bands at bars that i dont remember their names
and openers that I just could not list all of (gym class heroes, OC, Psalm One, crazy matching dress girls etc.)
also, many performances and workshops at festivals that I cant remember their names, or each instance (mariposa mostly)


coming up:
atmosphere
cut chemist and lyrics born
hot chip
jurassic five - again
i dont know what it is in me that thinks i need to go to every concert all the groups that I like put on, but i can't seem to help myself. i think i need it.

une parapluie

Things an open umbrella can do for you indoors:

1. Get you kicked out of a bar.
2. Attract attention.
3. Block people’s views.
4. Be used as an attack mechanism for those who try to kick you out of the establishment it is open in.
5. Intimidate people.
6. Prove you are not superstitious and cause other people to envy you.
7. Protect you from rain when you go on previously covered but now uncovered patios (changed to accommodate the smokers).
8. Protect you from sweat if you are near a crowd on flailing dancing hippies.
9. Gives you a somewhat mysterious, yet insane superiority.
10. Allow you to be openly inclusive and exclusive to particular people depending on whom you let under the umbrella.

Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all…

when i shine feat. Bahamadia - The Herbaliser

today i rode behind a dump truck on my way to work and i am sure that i smelled of garbage all day. it came to me in whifs, strangely always when outdoors, and it was always unpleasant. Also, the lake's stench was extra fishy today as i was aware of it before I hit The Lake Shore. And I am sure that it was the stench of Lake Ontario's fault that my lunch did not settle so well since it greeted me when i exited the restaurant and followed me back to the Office. Inside I am usually safe, unless there is too much photocopying, in those instances the smell goes to my head.

today was a day that started in a dream and on those days its hard to decipher if things that happened recently were dreams or reality. a lot of this has to do with my being in a lucid state in front of a television falling asleep so often. but most of it is pure confusion and inability to separate dream from reality. so i guess the garbage kind of woke me out of it. its just annoying because no matter how fast you go you cannot escape the cars that surrounded you when you first started biking. or once a car cathes up, you are doomed to reside in that car's imediate space until one of you turns. this is because all the main streets in toronto are littered with lights that one cannot avoid (especially if you are not wearing a helmet). And the dump trucks, unfortuneately for me, always go right to the end. I guess the LCBO is close to a dump because that is right on my way.


on the plus side, i realised this morning that 'the skort' is the solution to all my bike riding / skirt wearing dilemmas. no matter how mig of a hoochie they may think i am, they are wrong.

--very ready for a long weekend of cottage--

the beat of my shoes

one reason I hate flip flops is because when you walk on ground that has been rained on OH THE BACKSPALSH. not only do you end up with the backs of your legs and ass being covered in a filthy street salad (composed of twigs, wet leaves and any other debris that happened to be on the ground during the downpour. this includes garbage), but the flatness and thinness of these 'shoes' creates a sort of pool under the ball of your foot that traps excess stagnent street water resulting in a prominent 'squish' with every step.

now some people do not mind this 'squish'. i think that is because it reminds them of being young and dirty, but in this particular situation, to me, that squish is a uncomfortable reminder of how my shoes have just flung the street debris on to the back of my body. it is worse than on a bike. at least when you are biking you are enjoying yourself and going so fast you do not even mind or notice the filth all over your body (keeping in mind that the extent and coverage of this debris when biking exceeds flip flopping) because their is usually a layer of sweat protecting it from coming too close to your pores. but with lollygagging flip flops there is no such speed or endurance to motivate or distract you. its also amazing how far up your back it can go. today a wet flower hit my shoulder i SWEAR!

the one thing i do love about flip flops is the nose they make. especially when there is more than one person walking in them. although this can be embarassing and draw unwanted attention (like when I wear them in the quiet, echoey AGO --"who is that asshole in the frigging two dollar shoes distracting my viewing pleasure"), mostly i find it gives my life rhythm. like a weak bass line. what we really need (andrea and I are actually starting one) is an army of people - all in flip flops - to make a lot of noise when they walk. for no particular reason other than to make a normally quiet action into a noticable one. just because i like it.

so even though they are annoying and dirty and cheap and hurt my feet, any beat is better than no beat. so flip flops are okay, as long as you dont wear them to church, weddings, anytime you are coming in late to a performance of some kind or need to be excused to use the washroom, the AGO, or any other place of culture and especially not after a rainstorm.

HELLO CONSUMER

Summer Solstice

things to do on the longest day of the year that you never have time for any other day:

• get the most of of your solar panels
• realise its too late to buy solar panels because the days just get shorter and shorter from here on in... put it on your new years resolution list to buy some in 2007.
• battle the sun -- wear no sunscreen and try to avoid skin damage -- if you succeed today, you are mightier than the sun
• for those who stay indoors every other day, make an exception today and capture a whole summers worth of vitamin D in one day by filling mason jars with mirrors and setting them on your lawn.
• request to meet your friendly neighbourhood vampires for coffee at 9pm (your normal meeting time) without mentioning the extended daylight hours, and watch them emerge, eager to enjoy your company, only to sizzle into nothingness before your eyes. Collect their ashes in mason jars to be sprinkled over frozen yogurt because -- they must be riddled with vitamin d.
• write your name on the sidewalk with the bodies from ants you have killed with a magnifying glass.
• watch the sunset and time the exact moment it disappears over the horizon, than send out a mass email on your blackberry to everyone you know telling them how long the longest day of the year was this year before they hear it on CItyPulse.
• convince your siblings that if their skin is exposed to the sun on this particular day it will evaporate exposing all their internal organs. The only way to avoid this is to attach sponges to their body and keep them moist. Take pictures when they believe you (because they obviously will) and sell these pictures in card format to people at your gym to give as gag gifts.
• sell solstice paraphenallia
• buy solstice paraphenallia
• make your own paraphenalia and then sell and buy it.
• measure the height your plants have grown over one day and sell the story to CP24
• deny that solstice ever happened and wear your sunglasses all day
• get solstice confused with eclipse and buy expensive dark eclipse glasses...send out a mass email at work saying you will let people look directly at the sun using your glasses for a quarter per 10 seconds. Make a killing.
• sleep through the whole thing, wake up when the sun sets and have a shortest night of the year party
• ask your boss to explain what solstice is to you. When they try (if they even remotely succeed) ask for a visual explanation. Say you think you understand but you are a much more visual person. Produce 9 balls of various sizes and begin naming off the planets in a sing-song voice.

HAPPY SOLSTICE FRIENDS!