when i shine feat. Bahamadia - The Herbaliser

today i rode behind a dump truck on my way to work and i am sure that i smelled of garbage all day. it came to me in whifs, strangely always when outdoors, and it was always unpleasant. Also, the lake's stench was extra fishy today as i was aware of it before I hit The Lake Shore. And I am sure that it was the stench of Lake Ontario's fault that my lunch did not settle so well since it greeted me when i exited the restaurant and followed me back to the Office. Inside I am usually safe, unless there is too much photocopying, in those instances the smell goes to my head.

today was a day that started in a dream and on those days its hard to decipher if things that happened recently were dreams or reality. a lot of this has to do with my being in a lucid state in front of a television falling asleep so often. but most of it is pure confusion and inability to separate dream from reality. so i guess the garbage kind of woke me out of it. its just annoying because no matter how fast you go you cannot escape the cars that surrounded you when you first started biking. or once a car cathes up, you are doomed to reside in that car's imediate space until one of you turns. this is because all the main streets in toronto are littered with lights that one cannot avoid (especially if you are not wearing a helmet). And the dump trucks, unfortuneately for me, always go right to the end. I guess the LCBO is close to a dump because that is right on my way.


on the plus side, i realised this morning that 'the skort' is the solution to all my bike riding / skirt wearing dilemmas. no matter how mig of a hoochie they may think i am, they are wrong.

--very ready for a long weekend of cottage--

the beat of my shoes

one reason I hate flip flops is because when you walk on ground that has been rained on OH THE BACKSPALSH. not only do you end up with the backs of your legs and ass being covered in a filthy street salad (composed of twigs, wet leaves and any other debris that happened to be on the ground during the downpour. this includes garbage), but the flatness and thinness of these 'shoes' creates a sort of pool under the ball of your foot that traps excess stagnent street water resulting in a prominent 'squish' with every step.

now some people do not mind this 'squish'. i think that is because it reminds them of being young and dirty, but in this particular situation, to me, that squish is a uncomfortable reminder of how my shoes have just flung the street debris on to the back of my body. it is worse than on a bike. at least when you are biking you are enjoying yourself and going so fast you do not even mind or notice the filth all over your body (keeping in mind that the extent and coverage of this debris when biking exceeds flip flopping) because their is usually a layer of sweat protecting it from coming too close to your pores. but with lollygagging flip flops there is no such speed or endurance to motivate or distract you. its also amazing how far up your back it can go. today a wet flower hit my shoulder i SWEAR!

the one thing i do love about flip flops is the nose they make. especially when there is more than one person walking in them. although this can be embarassing and draw unwanted attention (like when I wear them in the quiet, echoey AGO --"who is that asshole in the frigging two dollar shoes distracting my viewing pleasure"), mostly i find it gives my life rhythm. like a weak bass line. what we really need (andrea and I are actually starting one) is an army of people - all in flip flops - to make a lot of noise when they walk. for no particular reason other than to make a normally quiet action into a noticable one. just because i like it.

so even though they are annoying and dirty and cheap and hurt my feet, any beat is better than no beat. so flip flops are okay, as long as you dont wear them to church, weddings, anytime you are coming in late to a performance of some kind or need to be excused to use the washroom, the AGO, or any other place of culture and especially not after a rainstorm.

HELLO CONSUMER

Summer Solstice

things to do on the longest day of the year that you never have time for any other day:

• get the most of of your solar panels
• realise its too late to buy solar panels because the days just get shorter and shorter from here on in... put it on your new years resolution list to buy some in 2007.
• battle the sun -- wear no sunscreen and try to avoid skin damage -- if you succeed today, you are mightier than the sun
• for those who stay indoors every other day, make an exception today and capture a whole summers worth of vitamin D in one day by filling mason jars with mirrors and setting them on your lawn.
• request to meet your friendly neighbourhood vampires for coffee at 9pm (your normal meeting time) without mentioning the extended daylight hours, and watch them emerge, eager to enjoy your company, only to sizzle into nothingness before your eyes. Collect their ashes in mason jars to be sprinkled over frozen yogurt because -- they must be riddled with vitamin d.
• write your name on the sidewalk with the bodies from ants you have killed with a magnifying glass.
• watch the sunset and time the exact moment it disappears over the horizon, than send out a mass email on your blackberry to everyone you know telling them how long the longest day of the year was this year before they hear it on CItyPulse.
• convince your siblings that if their skin is exposed to the sun on this particular day it will evaporate exposing all their internal organs. The only way to avoid this is to attach sponges to their body and keep them moist. Take pictures when they believe you (because they obviously will) and sell these pictures in card format to people at your gym to give as gag gifts.
• sell solstice paraphenallia
• buy solstice paraphenallia
• make your own paraphenalia and then sell and buy it.
• measure the height your plants have grown over one day and sell the story to CP24
• deny that solstice ever happened and wear your sunglasses all day
• get solstice confused with eclipse and buy expensive dark eclipse glasses...send out a mass email at work saying you will let people look directly at the sun using your glasses for a quarter per 10 seconds. Make a killing.
• sleep through the whole thing, wake up when the sun sets and have a shortest night of the year party
• ask your boss to explain what solstice is to you. When they try (if they even remotely succeed) ask for a visual explanation. Say you think you understand but you are a much more visual person. Produce 9 balls of various sizes and begin naming off the planets in a sing-song voice.

HAPPY SOLSTICE FRIENDS!